Every decision in life comes with its price tag and so is divorce, couples who get separated from each other after a very long time of relationship and knowing each other find it very difficult to get along.
Most times this happens because some guidelines or lay down rules were not followed as to how they both agreed to run their lives, especially if there are children involved.
Let’s first of all look at what precisely happened that led to the divorce?
Often times divorces Don’t just happen they are being triggered by the constant evolution of trust, abuse, or unnecessary arguments that can easily be resolved.
In such situations, ego plays a vital role with each claiming the right of being perfect and so the next person should be the one apologizing, or else the traumatic relationship goes on and the damage grows out of hand.
Must marriages break, on just minor issues which were left unattended to accumulate and the relationship kept dying until it becomes too late to fix?
Now, back to why divorced couples don’t get along is:
Anger rolled over from the previous happening that led to the divorce in the first place.
Each time you remember a person who consistently hurt you in a relationship you thought you had it all going well brings out anger issues.
Most times it makes the person who was hurt badly, to gets aggressive on trivial issues even when he/she is not supposed to.
Constantly remembered incidences of how you allow someone to manipulate you to such an extent roll over the past issues and so the hurt may not necessarily go away in time, this can make coexisting or relationship with an ex very difficult.
Arrogance
An arrogant partner always wants to be the one on top, always right, always leading and always dishing out the orders, even when they know that their partner is in distress.
Most arrogant partners often make the relationship unbearable as well as boring for their spouses.
Nobody would like to always be around someone who treats them like a second class material, or they are doing them a favor by being in their lives.
In most cases, this brings about disrespect in the relationship because one would always try to fight for their own freedom/rights too.
This, they are usually carried out of the relationship even after divorce that habit might continue where one feels they are always on top.
Competition
Most times divorce couples don’t get along well because both are always in competition as to who is better, this is usually done to capture the attention of the children into believing that one parent is better than the other.
In the developed world like the UK and USA, often time parents are given joint custody, this means that they share responsibility, and treat the children equally by having them both from time to time.
Unfortunately, in most underdeveloped countries, the case is different. It’s either the children are forcefully left with their father who is the sole owner according to the constitution, or traditionally otherwise.
So there’s always competition with each trying to portray they are the best. This, in most cases, falls back to the woman whom if she is not financially buoyant enough does not stand a chance.
In some cases, the women are the breadwinners and if she is capable of taking care of the children, outside forces will play a role by questioning her character as a single mother, and that often pose as a big problem which brings a lot of competition with each trying to be the best, this however usually end up in unnecessary Quarrels because they are competing for their children’s affection.
Finally is interference
Some spouses fail to understand that they are separated, and so would want to have total control in the life of their ex, they want to know each and every move of their ex, what they do, who they see, and what their next move is.
Some will go as far as keeping a spy to monitor their ex. This however brings unnecessary problems that can easily be avoided.
The ex may not be able to comprehend what their ex-partners are doing and so start making the comparison, between how he/she wasn’t doing this for me but is now doing to her, or he is even the one that fetches water for her, go shopping, etc things we were unable to do together.
And this will bring about hatred amongst the two and not get along.
The best thing to do.
An ex should remain an ex, if at all you people want to work things out, let there be mutual understanding and respect.
Respect yourself, your children if any, your ex choice of who they chose to be with and what the chose to do.
In my own opinion, I see it as stress and a waste of time for you to be keeping a tap on your ex. That means you never really left in the first place.
Always be yourself and agree, as well as come to terms with the fact that all of that is in your past, build a new life, and work towards your own happiness i believe when this is applied, people can get along without any bad blood.
Want to share a divorce story?
Send me an email on rasheedausman11@gmail.com or,
WhatsApp me on 09059263204