The reality about marriage especially these days is that many couples, especially the young ones going into it do not know exactly what it entails.
Most times nobody has the full knowledge of what to expect from your spouse particularly after marriage, many go into it with one motive or the other.
On the other hand, most of today’s young ones go into it for the love they have for each other therefore forget to make some adjustments in case things change can be very challenging.
The reality here is that most black African countries have zero-tolerance for therapy or counseling before getting hooked, therefore they just walk into it.
It has always been that, before marriage, we all thought that once the knots are tied, this life goes to a whole new climate. Only you with your man/woman, enjoying, partying, shopping, doing somersaults anyhow and so on.
Most of us didn’t consider the pressures that would come from home keeping, financial pressure on the family, stress from inlaws, friends, coping with the demands of our jobs while securing the home front, etc.
We didn’t even think that a time would come when little discussions could result in very big quarrels, and you could actually keep malice with your partner, and say to hell with them.
We thought having sex every day would just be fun since we’ve got the license to act abnormal which may seem normal, we never imagined that we would one day be forming tired in the inner room.
We assumed that everything would just fall into place as planned and we will live happily ever after, never did we imagine the frustrations, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the hurtful words and actions that would one day come from our heartthrob intentionally or otherwise.
We never imagined that a day would come when we will ask ourselves if really that was the same person we fell in love with.
What about the home front? We also did not put into consideration of the bills that will come with the so many responsibilities as time goes by while the family is growing large.
Who would have thought that all that we’ve planned and envisioned while we daydream about the kind of lifestyle we want to live will not all coincide with our calculations as we get overwhelmed each passing day with so many tasks we had left out in our thoughts.
Don’t forget the sweet nothings we both used to whisper into each other’s ears, texting I love you and blowing kisses in the air which we all thought that is just it.
But alas! As you’re coming out from one challenge, you’re faced with another. It’s like a loop, we keep going round and never getting to the end. This is where courage, patience, tolerance, and strength to keep pushing comes In to play.
These things are overwhelming to a lot of people, you see wonderful sweet women becoming something else, the men most times start looking for alternatives in most cases find solace in outdoor activities, some, see themselves as stuck with each other and just continue to manage and hope for a better tomorrow.
All these, can in so many ways get out of hand and if not managed properly leads to divorce, divorce does not happen because both spouses don’t love each other, but because so many factors that have grilled them all together making them focus only on the negative.
This had in so many different ways contributed to failed marriages, this does not mean that it wouldn’t have worked out or redeemed, but in must scenario, the damage has been done and cracks have grown to become broken pieces which may seem very difficult to recompense.
It takes a lot to make this thing called marriage to work. If you’ve not been there you won’t understand any of those issues pointed above, and so the very best thing for every couple to maintain in their union is effective communication, understanding, and tolerance, these three key factors can serve as the only strong bond that can help in keeping a union together.
Possible solutions
When couples are faced with marriage challenges which they feel it’s beyond them, the best thing to do is to seek help. The help can either be from their religious leaders, elders from the family, and or therapy.
Most of the factors that contribute to breaking marriages these days are the notion which parents often emphasize which is “Do not allow a third party into your home” well, parents should as much try to explain the kind of third parties that are not allowed.
Because sometimes, a third party might actually be what they need to understand more about the situation at hand.
So when you see couples who have stayed for decades in marriage, give them your respect because this thing called marriage is not so easy to deal with.
Don’t wait until it’s your golden or silver or Diamond Jubilee before you can have a celebration, believe me, anniversaries are worth celebrating yearly just so that you can encourage yourself to keep going on.
Congratulations to all men and women who despite the many challenges are still keeping up with the love they saw and believed in, keep going on with that same energy you have been putting on and God will be your ultimate guide.
Written by Rasheeda for divorce diaries